Massively Multiplayer Online Games… Where souls go to die! It’s a place where Dill Pickle Chips, Red Bull and no sunlight exists. It’s the place where you log online and then you hear the machine whine because Scotty is giving you all she’s got no matter how much of a change you made to the frame rates.
DC Universe Online starts off with a survey of sorts. Most notably, Man or Woman? Sorry, I mean, Villain or Hero? Or how about, Marvel or DC or neither because I’m not ten years old. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve read comics. I know the universes and multi-universes… I know who the good guys are. I also happen to realize how much this knowledge did not help with my final exam at Villanova University. Needless to say, I’m not the kind of person who’s really deep into comics. Ya’know the type I’m talking about. The ones who know there’s exactly 4 different Robins. Which one is NightWing. Which one Joker killed. And which one tries to live up to the shadow of a great Robin whom use to be. Anyway, the problem here is I have to be just as deep into the shit plot you want me to swim in only to realize I gained all this knowledge up for nothing more than a five minute conversation on the off chance a plot twist happened. Likewise a new cartoon/movie is coming out and it’s within this cannon and God help me if I don’t know better.
For ruse sake, lets get into what this game is all about. A whole bunch of villains and heroes have a major brawl till only one survives and then aliens invade. The surviving villain travels back in time and warns the heroes of what the future has to behold. Remember he’s a villain, while he gives warning to Batman, Superman and Wonder Woman; at the same time he’s unleashing bio-androids which turns normal people into either super villains or super heroes. Which I’m sure the underlining idea was if everyone got into a brawl, the aliens would just leave us the hell alone.
So here’s the thing, you have to decide if you want to be a hero or a villain. Mainly because World of Warcraft and Star Trek Online has dueling factions. Thus this means every game must have a dueling faction function. It’s not a bad game mechanic. It helps to unite players when they know who’s against them in some way, shape or form. The difference is, in Star Trek and WOW factions actually look different. DC Universe Online makes every character look like a lost back up dancer from a Lady Gaga music video. This means the first questions must have been, “Are you fucking insane?! WOW eats MMOs like these for breakfast! Do you really think you stand a chance!?” Meanwhile, after walking away from the huge line of coca the next question seeking for assurance is, “Will it be better than City of Heroes???” Well, not really, because DC Universe trips on the first hurtle.
Dark Souls had more variance in character creating than DC Universe. The three main body sizes are Normal (comic Normal, i.e. been to the gym in the past four months), Large (as in the usual Gears of War Fridge body build), and Small (also known as jailbait size). The special powers come in a wave of three typical genres. Magic, Gadgets, and looking FABULOUS (the kind my sister would enjoy because it involves iridescent glitter) . The only problem is when you have characters whom seem to meld styles. i.e a super hero who uses gadgets which has magic powers or magic powers which specialized in gadgets. This really comes down to a what the fuck is the difference till BFF number 200 from my iPhone slaps me with DC issue 1200 which explains the vast difference. Anyway, I played both a villain and a hero to see what the story line difference came down to. Instead I realized I was trailing a flimsy storyline made of tissue paper only to realize I was simply mashing the attack button to survive in life. It all becomes too repetitive because either way you have to defeat X amount of good guys or bad guys to progress only to get to an instance. This entails defeating said bogies till there’s a major bad/good guy to defeat. Which is great till it’s repetitive. Same can be said about the environment. It’s either a city, or another city but a little different.
I’ll say the interest valve was shut off pretty fucking quick when I began the game. From the moment I created my character, defeated Brainiacs evil bad guys and then landed in Metropolis. I flew into the sky to take a look around the scenery and said to myself, “Yep, this is a city.” This is when curiosity died. Certain MMOs like Star Trek don’t like to let you go full retard because then the environments lose a lot of gusto. Which is where a majority of the work was put in. Petty theft becomes ridiculous to fight when there’s a simple means of dropping a fire hydrant on the fuckers head. What I disliked probably the most about DC Universe is the fact it wasn’t so much about creating a super hero, instead gaping at the heroes DC already has employed. None of the characters like Super Man are trying to sell themselves in this work. They just kinda mope around like card board cut outs which you can interact, talk and admire from a far. I’m guessing this game was for fans only and possibly people whom need their WOW fix on the X Bone. However, I’m sure even fans want to create their own super hero without feeling over shadowed by Batman. The only problem is the inner Edna Mode in me screams, “NO CAPES!” DC Universe on the other hand forces me to wear a cape because my mentor is Batman. Since Batman wears a cape, apparently I do too…. Thanks for once again making me think I had a choice in the matter. Personal note from player to developer. Don’t give me the satisfaction…. I’m already four bags of Dill Pickle Chips in and now I have to explain my waist line to the wifey…. Furthermore, what the hell is that bright orb thing in the sky beaming with light!?