In short of me taking my time on video game reviews. Especially because I have a shit load from any console prior to the Triforce of consoles currently available. Here I go with Borderlands. However, let me be well aware Borderlands is best played with four player co-op. The irony is I don’t have that many friends. Even if I did, it would be hard for said ‘friends’ to be able to play Borderlands at the same time. I can’t even get my friends on Gears of War or Star Wars Battlefront. Go, figure. For the most part though I had to dive right into random multi-player mode and prey we actually get to cooperate, as the term co-op implies, with one another. Meanwhile in reality, I’m left alone in a void mess of a post apocalyptic world while the other three fuckers run off for grand prizes I otherwise had no idea were even available.


Well, fuck me for trying. I resorted to what I did with Star Wars Battlefront and decided to hold a game up by it’s aspects of single player mode. Anyway, Borderlands is a single player first person shooter, role playing game. Where I am one of a band of hooligans in the land, or planet of Pandora. In a Campbell condensed soup story line we’re pretty much in a Mad Max world. Today’s mission is something called “The Vault.” This is either a myth or a real thing. I think the jury is still out on this one. For this aspect, it’s pretty much the only since of a story line we have. Even then characters are only around so I can complete their meaningless task. Then it seems to me these same characters have life going on well after the fact I’m not really playing the game. I guess because it’s too much to ask me to fit in killing the same fifty enemies.

Whatever…. Story just becomes the crap-tastic framework of what these missions all lead up to. Shall I say the idea of ‘Missions’ can be subsidized into just a Mission. The Mission is going into a scrap yard to kill the anorexic equivalent of Bain from Batman. I don’t think a cover art has ever been so informative of what you’re supposed to do in a game. Sometimes it’s because you’re supposed to kill Bain. Maybe it’s because Bain stole something from apocalypse Gotham. Either way, it seems like every bad guy shops from the same damn mask store.

I suppose this game is geared for people who are mentally built to accomplish the same damn tasks, mission(s), and never ending goal. Just as long as experience points, fancy weapons and spells with unpronounceable names are involved.

There’s vehicles in this game. Just so I can get from one Bain colony to the next. However, these vehicles handle like a bulldog on a skate board. They only know how to go one direction really fucking well. Making slight turns ends up in just outright flipping your car over.
For weapons the name of the game here is to switch up guns for slightly better ones. For role playing games stats pop up to inform what you have and what you could get. Which is nice, however, Borderlands doesn’t provide this to the player. Instead, we get to scroll through a menu to compare what we have and what we’re looking at. Note to game developers, the more adumbrate the system the better off gaming will be. Keep interface short, sweet and to the point. Meanwhile for those missions. There’s absolutely no way to make your objective list to disappear without completing said missions. Which is bullshit because this is one of many aspects of the game which World of Warcraft eats for breakfast. Anyway, you’ll have to do these damned missions to eventually get to level 40 with only the last three to go. But then fifteen more pop up just for fun.


The intro robot is especially an annoyance. One in particular moment is when I’m leveling up and he’s still nagging at me about a mission I avoided back at level three. On the off chance the developers meant for this character to be annoying. Well, they did at least one thing right because all the annoyances I’ve spoken of thus far do exactly what they’ve accomplished. They cause a damn annoyance in game play.

At the end of the day Borderlands looks great in concept and imagery. However, under it all is just dull, nuts and bolts shooter with a story line which consists of watching numbers tally. It’s true the game becomes tolerable with friends around. More specifically my wife, and Diddly. However, so is watching Bob Ross paint… At least on mushrooms his show is a hell of a lot more entertaining.


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