Dead Island

I don’t think anyone is ready to cope with the reality of all this Zombie business over the past decade. Back when I was 18 years old Zombies used to be the b-side horror genre which then somehow escalated to pop culture. I thought it was cool for once something I’m totally into is legit for pop culture enough so I’m finally considered normal. Then I realized, yeah… All those people I thought were normal are just really un-normal. Apparently someone, everyone, needed an outlet of reasonable sorts and Zombies became the likely candidate. Provided of all the people who are well informed and seem like the most likely candidate to survive a possible Zombie outbreak, I sure as hell know everyone reading this would commit suicide the first moment the internet went down for more than a weeks time. Well, here goes the avalanche of video gaming which didn’t help.


It’s a bunch of Zombies set in a holiday resort. A setting no one has covered, except Left for Dead 2. I’m staying at a holiday resort called Banoi, which sounds like that weird sound I hear if I run my foot into the spring door stopper… BANOI!!!! Allegedly, I had an amazing time at said resort drinking my face off to the point I have an altercation with myself, and then waking up without a hangover with a hotel filled with Zombies. Which ultimately becomes the love child of Borderlands and Left for Dead 2.

From Borderlands it’s a four player co-op game with Massive Multiplayer Role Playing quests. Meanwhile from Left for Dead 2 we get the environments, zombies and combining items like a wooden plank and a chain saw together to bash heads with.

Dead Island is a case for why trailers should never be held to the standard of what to expect from the actual game. From the first trailer we all got to see of pre-rendered video cuts. It seemed like an amazing game. Kinda like Alice Madness Returns. However, it does foreshadow Dead Islands unlikelihood to figure out what tone this game is going for. On one hand it’s My Chemical Romance fantastic as fuck with every character having little to no ounce of motivation to even aspire to surviving. “Everything is going to shit. Why am I still alive? Ya-di-ya-da…” While on the other hand the game provides moments of hilarity when hitting a Zombies arms enough times to seem them flail about.

There is a kick attack which comes in very handy. Utilizing no stamina, and not only splats the skulls of the dead, but also prevents Zombies from attacks, and knocks them down. Thus, for most parts of this game there’s no reason to use the Gum Ball Machine Gun. Most of the time I’m standing over an orgy of bodies going American Psyco till the moans and groans dissipate. The melee mechanic is literally a hit and miss. I’d like to say melee first person games only seem to really work if it’s one bad guy at a time. Which isn’t the case here in Dead Island. At one point or another I will find myself reverting to drunken flailing because at one point or another the graphics will crap out and a Zombie will be scratching at me from the inside.


“Inconsistent” is the theme here. Dead Island will glitz and glam its way into your life with the ’99 problems and a bitch ain’t one’ idea. But then we’re sucked into a Modern Warfare area while ‘surviving’ Zombies. Just when we all begin to nod off from boredom in comes the sewer levels. However to be fair I had immediate boredom-ville when in one cabin there’s like 20 quest which have to be completed. I’m not a side bitch and certainly over done with everyone feeling needy. It came right down to the point I wanted to just get through the main missions to find an ending which never seem to come over the horizon. This then brings me to the lowest of low… Escort Quests….

If Dead Island had one particular job, its to have the person I’m escorting to fucking follow me. Because apparently they don’t. Everyone I had to escort either ran off blindly, or nearly ran into a moving car. More than once I would get into the car to ‘escort’ said person to the goal line which I thought would be faster. Meanwhile the person I’m supposed to be escorting is running, (I’m laughing at the ridiculousness) outside the car! Thus leaving me to drive at like 25 miles per hour till Zombies attacked. At which point the person will over estimate the chances of surviving said Zombies. Here’s where the game thinks it gets hilarious unto itself…. If I die, I just pop back up like nothing happened. If the person I’m escorting dies, I have to reload a save point and try it all over again. Thus to sum this all up Dead Island can suck a dick.


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