Resident Evil 5

Resident Evil, when it first came out was snore worthy. Walking into a mansion and leading yourself through every corridor. This lead with it’s sequels to be strung together with a flimsy plot line Patch Adams couldn’t even laugh at. It consisted of more plot holes than a block of swiss cheese. Meanwhile adding something of more ‘game play’ which didn’t really amount to much only trying to contrive more plot lines on an arbitrary story line. Then Resident Evil 4 strolled along and it was the first in the series to not try to fit the mold. It was a whole new game play, only with a story line brought to you in part by children from La Petite Academy. However, it went about it in a retro-horror campy feeling. The thing is Resident Evil 4 was a story which was very approachable to new players while still sulking in the shredded cheese.


Then one day Resident Evil 5 came into my life. It only decided to be a sequel with more game play shenanigans while still trying to make sense of the swiss cheese plot line.

Resident Evil 4 has a lot going for itself. One moment, you’re in the woods. Next a city, then out on a boat, mine carts, lava pits. So maybe it was simply the fact the idea bucket was a little shallow when Resident Evil 5 strolled in. However, deja-vu hits when the whole city you’re in decides to kill you only to survive for a few moments before being saved, just like that one time in Resident Evil 4. Just less Spanish this time. The idea is effective and made me piss my pants the first time, however the next scene being a guy in a hood with a chain saw coming my direction. I started to wonder if we were just going through the same script. Mind you Resident Evil 5 is pretty much the Clift Notes version of a better game. This isn’t to say there wasn’t some kind of lack for a better word, game alterations… The first thing I want to get to is the side-kick.

In Resident Evil 4 side-kick Ashley was more of a hanger on kind of side-kick. Didn’t really do much. Hid in a barrel once in a while. At least she never tried to be helpful at all. Meanwhile, the new side-kick isn’t just a nice piece of ass bouncing around. Instead she’s all about being equal to the men… Isn’t that cute. You have to look after her stock which unlike Resident Evil 4 is way less in consideration. The problem with this A.I. is two fold though, and leads to not really trusting even the game to help. In one moment I’ll let her cary the machine guns, loaded with ammo. Next thing you know she’s using her pistol to pick off the boss fight. Then when she’s done with the pistol ammo she’ll run off for more crates with ammo before I can to just nick whatever life she can with the damn gun. You know what this is like? It’s like a friend cutting their hair with your sizers and then running off to the hair dresser for a quick fix only to arrive back at your house for the sizers to do it all over again. Meanwhile using your money for the hair dresser.
Learning from my mistake with the machine guns I decided to have her be the ‘healer’ in this duo. I needed the space for things like ammo, grenades, and sandbags. But she couldn’t even be trusted with health kits. She’d waist a whole spray can on me if I got bit by a freaking mosquito. One time I was low on health and was about to use a small herb when I see my partner running up to me with a rare large herb. When you’re running away from your support character, more so than the actual zombies something has defiantly gone wrong. My advice is to find a friend for this game.


The next complaint comes from the inventory system. Resident Evil 4 was different and worked. For example the size of a pen was exactly the size of a freaking pen. In Resident Evil 5 the size of a pen holds the same space as a Colt, Magnum, AK 47. Each character only has nine spaces. Ammo stacks, but healing doesn’t. This means nine herbs holds the same amount of space as 180 shot gun shells. Once the inventory systems are full, the fun begins. You have to swap and item for an item then use said item you requested just to request back the item which was swapped for in the first place. Because your partner can’t just use an item on you in the first place. Another fun bit is wearing armor. Perplexingly enough, even if you’re wearing the armor, it’s still holding a slot in your inventory sheet. You’re carrying the armor you’re wearing in a pocket of your armor.

The game I liked back in Resident Evil 4 is in Resident Evil 5. However, Resident Evil is just falling back into old habits. Just trying to make a conclusion out of a hot mess of story lines. Albert Wesker is back, again. Chris Redfield is back, again. And while I’m at it, let me address the racism in this game. First off, your partner is black. A couple of white folk in the hoards of zombies. While every effort is put to somehow depicting Africa in todays realism. Then half way through the game we’re somehow in a village of mud-huts with ethnic folk yelling at us while throwing spears. But don’t think it’s racism to the extreme because first off, it’s Capcom… They probably don’t even know the word racism if they looked it up in the dictionary and found the definition had their company name in it. Which is not to say the idea is straight up intentional. Which is to just say, Capcom aren’t racists…. They’re just fucking idiots.


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