Star Wars The Force Unleashed

Well, if you hadn’t known Star Wars: The Force Unleashed was released for every platform known to man kind. My first idea when thinking about Star Wars is obviously it would be cool to play a game mimicking a Lightsaber. So, I rolled with the Nintendo Wii version. A slight graphical downgrade in comparison to the Xbox or PS3 is nothing in comparison to the makeshift ‘zoom’ sounds when cutting people in half. Turned out though playing as a Jedi was something like watching an old guy with Parkinson’s with graphical downgrades. To make things completely worst, I saw the same game at a friends house on the Xbox. Not only were the graphics really nice. But the levels were different. However, I stuck with this life choice and here’s what I saw.

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Darth Vader is still stomping around, thankfully over his dead wife. Now it seems like he’s taken to expanding his evil to do list with straight up kidnapping. With kidnapping he trains this kid up to be his secret apprentice to help over throw the Emperor. It’s not like that hasn’t worked out once or twice before. Apparently this all takes place somewhere between Episode 3, Rouge One and Episode 4. You guys figure it out, I’m tired of utilizing Mental Abuse To Humans. It’s a game which ties together somewhere between these flicks and the first question asked is, ‘Why would we want to do this terrible thing?’

George Lucas is back at it on this game. It goes to show he can’t just fuck up a prequel to his own masterpiece trilogy. But he can also fuck up a tie in sequel/prequel between two movies. You can figure this all out by finding all the characters are once again un-relatable. You know, it could solely be his fault or the graphical downgrade which made every character a marionette or a straight up stroke victim.

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As for controls in the game, Wii remote style. Left and Right if you want to get slashing. Up and Down if you’re feeling sassy. Although most the time Lightsaber shenanigans turns into just a quick swing or two and job is complete. The real problem lies with the remote though. It’s so temperamental. Something I found with Silent Hill Shattered Memories is the panic within gameplay doesn’t work well with the technology. Pretty much any interpretation the remote thinks you want to do turns into any other video game, except the buttons keep getting reassigned every five seconds.

Upgrades are a joke an a half. Given the two categories, Lightsaber or Force. I poured every ounce of upgrades possible to pretty much Force Lighting everyone. Once you realize swinging the Wii remote is pretty much a yoga class for intermediate level students and you can down a whole room of bad guys with Force Push, or Force Lighting. It’s a wonder why the Lightsaber is ever considered. Which is to say, it’s time to put the bench mark of kid wonder in The Force Unleashed agains Luke Skywalker. Skywalker was supposed to be the chosen one. Most he could do is close his eyes and reach out for his Lightsaber hoping his magic voodoo worked. Meanwhile Chuckle-Head-McGee coughs one time and clears a whole room of bad guys. See what I mean?

For the most part I blame the technology for not allowing the game to be as magnificent as it could have been. I really did walk in with high hopes for this game based on Lightsaber shenanigans. On the other side, I blame George Lucas and everyone who tries to make the prequels shoved down my throat. I dream for a day when we can make the attempted prequels non-cannon. Move on and sell Lucasfilms to Disney so they can do a better job at something. Like, oh, I don’t know Rouge One or something to that effect. Oh, shit….

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